Of fate and destiny,of hope and despair : Letting go.

May peace be upon you,

ARINAH ABD. HALIM

4 Oct 1993 - 3 Dec 2013

A name I could no longer call when I miss, a name I could no longer search in my contact list when this heart ache for a friendly pat, a name I would remember until I reunite with her again in heaven,God willing but until then, I will dearly miss you Arinah .Forever will.

Arinah Halim, a dear friend who would worry for our sake,cry when we're apart, laugh sincerely and teach us how distance will never tear the meaning of friendship.I'll never get the opportunity to keep that promises,a promise to grow old together,a promise that we'll always have each other's back, a promise that no matter what happened, we stay and never walk away.She walked out my life too soon that I never had my chance to bid goodbye properly,to comfort her and take the pain away when she's hospitalized. 

1 December 2013,

I got the news and my mind fail to interpret the fact that this is a very serious matter because I was too overwhelmed by my own sickness.I remember texting Arinah : "Arinah betul ke kau masuk ICU?Aku pun tengah demam weh,nnt aku lawat kau.Get well soon and be strong!" My last message to her, unreplied.I passed her university last day when I went to meet one of  my relatives in Putrajaya and I could not cease thinking how I miss her and we should plan a meet up soon enuff. If only I knew that she's there lying sick in bed...

2 December 2013,

She was in a critical state,she was first suspected of dengue and I did not exactly know how she end up in ICU and the very next day I got this text.A sudden pang of bad thoughts sneak through my mind,is this what I thought it would be? Is this legit? I googled the symptom and ended up reading some random blogs which mark down my good thoughts.Every single new tab I click I saw 'fatal', 'fatal', 'I lost my son to it'.It was 'dengue shock syndrome' and now Arinah is unconscious,her heart has been infected,her kidney stopped working.At that very moment I realize how serious this is and I should visit her tomorrow as soon as possible...

3 December 2013

"Skin,kau kat mana?Kau duduk sekarang, jangan berdiri.Aku nak kau duduk sekarang.Aku nak bagitau Arinah dah takde"

That was Ain BZ calling right after my class ended.I never really experience any loss of my loved ones apart from my grandparents yet that was when I still can't differentiate between right or wrong ,but that call changed it all.It was as if half of my soul  flew away,as if someone stabbed my heart until it stop beating.Truth be told,I never felt extremely sad in my whole life.This tears rolled down unconsciously,she's no longer breathing now,she's gone,I could not fulfill her birthday wishlist.I should've bought that present for her.What have I done? Why didn't I rush to the hospital the very first day she was admitted? I'm a fool, she must be in pain and needed her family and friends the most.I was guilt-ridden for the past 2 hours of driving to see her for the last time with Lela...


4 December 2013

There she is in white right in front of me.Right after we recite yassin ,I managed to kiss her forehead,for the first time and also the last time.It was cold,I could still see sweat trickled on her forehead.Ya Allah,this is her fate and I should accept it no matter how I mourn,she'll never come back.All I can do is to always pray for her peace in the after-life.InsyaAllah.We stayed there until she's no longer where we can see her. This is the time,I should let her go.May you be in peace best friend,may you always be happy with your Creator...

I will cherish all the good memories,this tears will stop here because I would only allow good memories to connect us.No more tears,wait for me Arinah,till we meet again.You'll always be here in my heart.I'll make sure to be a shoulder to cry on behalf of you.I miss you. <3

"Nanti kau dah ada firm sendiri,kalau aku nak buat rumah aku cari kau.Aku nak bukak klinik dengan Mena,klau anak korng demam datanglah klinik kitorng,aku bg diskaun."    -Arinah-

AL-FATIHAH